in all of the chaos that my life has become in the past month, i almost missed the fact that it is november. a week and a half ago was the four year mark for my shoulder surgery. i am still not back in the pool on a regular basis (but not for lack of trying). its strange how we always let the things we love in life slip by the wayside. four years ago, swimming was the most important thing to me, it was what i was going to do with my life (at least as long as i was young). i never prepared myself for what i might do if plans had to change. theatre was my second choice, but i still remain in a rut without any idea of what i am actually going to do with my life. i am stuck in a town that i absolutely love but lacking the chance for growth, im stuck in a job that i have grown to hate but cant leave because i depend on the money, and from all sides i am being hit by negativity from people so malevolent that they will do anything to make their opposition fail.
what am i doing about this? keeping my eyes and ears open for new opportunities while remaining positive with my head as far above the water as possible. and i am coming to terms with the shadows of my past. i am coming to terms with all of the reasons why i hate november. the things i have only ever been able to speak about when i lose my inhabitions, when the walls come tumbling down.
...
even now i am not able to put down what i mean by this. i made it as far as writing down half of a story before deleting it. i am slowly getting over these things, i swear.
im keeping with my positivity. maybe this november will be better than the previous three. even if it isnt, ill keep swimming like ive always done and wait for next year. hey, at least i only have to put up with it for 30 days. one down, 29 to go.
